Thread:MisterRoninSushi/@comment-30073052-20180706054849/@comment-27946255-20180720064123

(AUTHOR'S FUCKING NOTE: FUCK YOU WIKIA FOR BEING A FUCKING BITCH AND DELETING ALL MY HARD WORK. EAT MY BIG JUICY ASS BITCH. love u babes please enjoy)

Gargantuan Tarantula - By Kim Chi

It was a dark and stormy night. Kim Chi was sitting alone in a secluded cabin in the woods, miles away from any human civilization. She was watching TV with all the lights off.

Her favourite movie was on: "Kiming to America". She laughed and she cried, up until the credits began to roll. "Ahh," said Kim, "I love that movie." She reached for her bowl of popcorn and lifted it up. Underneath it, she found something terrifying... a tarantula!

"Eek!"

Kim dropped her popcorn bowl, leapt out of her chair, and grabbed a nearby lamp. She smashed the hairy arachnid using the lamp. The poor little creature shrivelled up into a ball, taking its last breath of air.

"Phew!" said Kim, talking to herself, "That was a close one! I better head to bed."

As she made her way to the staircase, she was startled by a loud vibration. Her phone was ringing! She fumbled in her pockets for a few moments before she pulled out her phone. It was her best friend, Shea.

"Hey skinny!" said Shea, "Do you wanna come over, drink some organic air cocktails, and talk about our shared hatred of fatties?"

Kim felt bad. "Can't. Busy. I'm in a secluded cabin, located in the woods several miles away from the nearest town, all alone for no apparent reason. Sorry!"

Shea understood. "It's okay girl! TTYL!" She hung up.

Kim began to climb the stairs to her room, so she could go to bed. As she made her ascent, she noticed small prints on the wall. Could they be... tarantula footprints?! She followed the footprints up the stairs and into her room. They travelled up her bed and ended up underneath her pillow. Kim stared at her mattress for a few moments when suddenly... she was startled by another vibration!

"Oh jeez, Shea!" said Kim, continuing to talk to herself, "What is it now?"

To her surprise, when she pulled out her phone, there was no incoming call. But the vibration continued! She listened to where it was coming from and traced it to underneath her pillow. The vibrating became louder and louder. Kim held her breath as she snatched the pillow from her bed. What she saw was NOT a tarantula, it was a giant dildo!

"AAAAH!"

Kim picked up the dildo, which was vibrating madly. She ran towards the window and yeeted it outside. The dildo smacked against the front step, continuing to frantically shake.

"That was a close one," said Kim, talking to herself once again.

Kim was about to snuggle into bed when she realized she forgot her glass of water downstairs. She slithered out of her room, tiptoed down the stairs, and entered the living room. What she saw was not a glass of water. In fact, it was much, much bigger. Standing just a few feet away from Kim was a GARGANTUAN TARANTULA!

"Aw frick!" said Kim.

Kim screamed and shouted as she ran toward the kitchen. The tarantula followed suit. Kim tried to deter the tarantula by knocking over objects, but it didn't do anything. She found herself cornered in the kitchen pantry, with the giant spider inches away from her face. As it opened it's massive jaws, Kim Chi took a deep breath.

Then, with stunning precision, Kim Chi ninja rolled underneath the giant tarantula's long legs, jumped onto the kitchen counter, and death dropped onto its big hairy bubble butt. The arachnid was stunned, but not dead. Kim saw her chance.

She dashed into the foyer. The front door was several meters away. Kim made a break for the entrance as the spider cried and began to follow her. She busted through the front door and slammed it behind her. Freedom!

As Kim took just one step forward, she slipped and fell. It just so happened that that same dildo from earlier was sticking straight up on the patio. Kim tried to avoid it, but she was headed straight for its plastic tip. Before she knew it, the massive silicone dildo had pierced her eye socket and plunged directly through her skull. Kim Chi died instantly.

Legend has it that her body is still on that front step to this day, with the fake dick erected through her cranium. To this day, this story has been told from generation to generation, teaching children everywhere not to throw their dildoes out the window.

The End.