Thread:FalcoLombardi99/@comment-34745594-20181007041731/@comment-3338841-20181009172721

Evah: Welcome to Cooking With the Bitches, hosted by me Evah Destruction alongside Kim Petras, Alexis Mateo, Alyssa Hunter, Shontelle Sparkles and Nikita Dragun! Let's get this messy cooking show on the road! *says something off camera* Nothing we say matters unless the camera is rolling.

Alexis: “After a long night of hooking, when trade didn’t like the session so he had gutted u..and set u on fire..but u didn’t die..bitch, u crystalized…and now ur a Glamazon bitch, ready for the runway.”

Evah: “Gurl after all of that I bet your ready for some breakfast.“

Alexis: “Gurl I’m ready Evah what we making today.”

Evah “Well Alexis we’re making Crystalized Fried Chicken and Waffles.”

Alexis: “Is That anything like Mystique Summers Madisons two-piece and a biscuit.”

Evah: “Oh no honey this is a breakfast delicacy.”

Alexis: “Is this a blue waffle.”

Evah: “Oh Alexis don’t even start with that and viewers of a young age don’t google that and let’s just get started with making the Crystalized Fried Chicken and Waffles.”

Alexis: “Bam! let’s get to it”.

Evah: “Alexis can you hand me over the moist, tender and juicy chicken breasts”

Alexis: Takes out her breast plate

Evah: “Oh Alexis not those kinda Breasts, just hand over the chicken Gurl!”

Alexis: Ok Bam!

Evah: “Ok now hand over the spices, these spices have already been mixed, they’ve been shaken but these spices don’t get along they’ve already have an untucked argument and a twitter war already Gurl.”

Alexis: “Bam! let’s see what spices are going onto these juicy and moist chicken breasts; Valentina’s Red M&m’s, Some Absolute Vodka Berry Açai, A Sprinkle Of Coco Montreses Dorito Dust, Asia O’Hara’s Dead Butterflies Wings And Finally the most important ingredient the most homosexual ingredient ever some OREGANO!”

Evah: “Now were going to mix that all into the juicy moist tender chicken breasts, now that the chicken is all ready, we’re just going to threw, threw the chicken into the deep-fat frier just like Tyra Sanchez threw her Drag career away.

Alexis: “Deep-fat frier that’s not a very nice way to talk about Miss Eureka O’Hara.” Evah: “Gurl lets just get making the waffle; now get the shavings of Eurekas Broken Foot, Jiggly Caliente’s Lollipop, a Sprinkle Of Bebe Zahara Benet’s Bogey Attitude and Finally Shavings Of Trinity K. Bonet’s Flipper.”

Alexis: “And now let’s just mix it all together and pour it in the waffle maker.”

Evah: “I think the Juicy, Moist, Tender And Delicious Chicken is ready.”

Alexis: “Bam! so is the waffle, it looooooks soooooooo gooooooooood Gurl!”

Evah: “After a long night of hooking, this Crystalized Fried Chicken and Waffles is the perfect way to start your very gay day.”

Alexis: “And Evah after losing America’s Got Talent so badly I bet you have to start your day with a big boost to even get out your bed.”

Evah: “Alexis you look like you ate the entire America’s Got Talent stage.”

Alexis and Evah: *Start fighting and fall on the ground*

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Shontelle: Well hello there, I’m Shontelle Sparkles!

Alyssa: And I’m Alyssa Hunter! And today we’re going to be making our famous dessert dish.

Together: Nina’s Padding Pie!

Shontelle: And it’s going to be completely fat free! So you can have the minute on the lips without the lifetime on the hips. You know what I’m talking about huh Alyssa?

Alyssa: stank faces and looks at Shontelle with a fake laugh and fake smile, before stank facing the camera again

Shontelle: So first we’re gonna need to add some good ingredients to the pastry, salt provided by Miz Cracker, eggs provided by Ginger Minj, and milk provided by the one and only dairy queen, Penny Tration.

Alyssa: Great, and while this is going on, I’m going to set the oven to 170 degrees. We want it to be hot enough to bake an entire elephant, or in this case, an entire Shontelle Sparkles!

Shontelle: You’re really asking for me to whack you with this spoon huh Alyssa, now that I’ve mixed it up, Alyssa you can kneed the bitch.

Alyssa: Isn’t that only for bread?

Shontelle: Kneed it.

Alyssa: kneeds the dough Know you gotta reeeaaalllyy work your wrist to get it right, kinda like you’re fisting Eureka, you just gotta work it in.

Shontelle: I’ve cut up the pieces of Nina’s padding, we got about 534 grams out of just one pad!

Alyssa: begins putting the padding in the pie

Shontelle: throws in an entire cup of sugar into the padding pie Now, we’ve got to add in a whole lot of sweetness to get rid of all the bitterness! throws another cup on Alyssa

Alyssa: Watch what you’re doing you dumb bitch!

Shontelle: Didn’t work huh. *puts the pie in the oven and after a lovely transition, it comes out looking… gia gunn voice goooodddd…*

Shontelle: Now my audience-

Alyssa: Our audience.

Shontelle: You about as big as the fucking audience shut it woman. Anyways, this was our LAAAAHHVELY Nina’s Padding Pie. Remember to always brush your fucking teeth because your break probably stank. Goodnight everyone! Evah: And that was our show! Did you thots enjoy it? Who cares if you do cuz nothing you say matters unless the camera is rolling on us! Goodnight everyone!