Thread:MisterRoninSushi/@comment-34745594-20180714194515/@comment-27946255-20180724205434

Kim Chi’s Moist and Medicinal Kimchi Salad

Introduction

'''Today we will be making my delicious, succulent, moist kimchi salad. This recipe was passed down to me from my daddy. He gave it to me hard, and from behind. I didn’t even see it coming! Since then, I’ve whipped up this salad at every family gathering, because everyone loves to slip it inside their mouth and let all of the juices flow over their tongues as they moan in delight. I hope you do the same with this recipe!'''

Ingredients

You will need:
 * 4 moist medicinal marijuana leaves
 * 2 legs of Naomi Smalls, diced
 * 1 cup of wet water
 * Seasoning salt
 * Oil off the top of Bob’s bald head
 * 6 cherry tomatoes
 * 1 jar of kimchi
 * 1 onion
 * Salt (optional)
 * Pepper (optional)
 * Xanax (optional)

Directions
 * 1) Pull out a cutting board. Take your moist marijuana and finely chop it on your cutting board. Feel the knife cut through each layer of wet cannabis, and let your face be sprayed by the dewey moisture that bursts from within.
 * 2) Toss your marijuana into a large bowl, and add one cup of wet water, to ensure that your salad is extremely wet and overflowing with juices.
 * 3) Put your hands on your thighs; the thighs on your Naomi legs, that is; and give them a tight squeeze, to admire their tender qualities.
 * 4) Heat up a frying pan, and pour a bit of Bob oil into it. Take your Naomi legs, then drop them into the hot pan. Sprinkle a bit of seasoning salt on the legs, so they become extra delicious when you put them in your mouth. Let the legs sizzle.
 * 5) While your legs are getting smoky, take a cherry tomato and place it on your cutting board. Use the side of your knife to press down and pop that cherry. Watch the inside of the tomato squirt out all over your cutting board. Do this with five other tomatoes. After you’re done, add them to the bowl of moist lettuce.
 * 6) At this point, your legs should be nice and juicy, and ready to be sliced. Remove your legs from the pan and place them on the cutting board. Chop the Naomi legs into thin slices, about the size of her skinny ass waist. And remember, never trust a slim hoe.
 * 7) Add your leg strips to the salad bowl, then pull out your jar of kimchi. Take the kimchi and turn it upside down over the bowl. Watch all of it slide out, splattering moist juices everywhere.
 * 8) Take two salad prongs and firmly stick them into your salad. Now, toss that salad! Toss it hard, and make sure you get all the juices flowing. Once your salad is tossed, you can give it a little taste.
 * 9) Now it’s time for the final touches. Take an onion and place it on the cutting board, and use your knife to slice it into two halves. Take the onion halves and place them over your eyes for ten seconds. It is going to burn like hell and you will most definitely cry.
 * 10) But don’t let those tears go to waste! Once you begin to cry, put down the onion and lean over your salad bowl. Let about 8-10 tears drip into the bowl, to add some extra flavour and moisture.
 * 11) If you are a boring person, you may stop here. But if you aren’t, then it’s time to pull out your salt, pepper, and xanax. Sprinkle a pinch of salt into the salad, then a pinch of pepper, and finally, crush your xanax tablet, and sprinkle that in too!
 * 12) Toss that salad one more time, and you’re ready to go! Bon appetit!